Blog
Heroes
Posted by Taylor Engel on July 19, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Today Steve Jones, Christian Homes & Family Services Trustee, is guest blogging on his idea of heroes…we’re thankful for you, Steve!
It is very common for people to make heroes of professional athletes and entertainers. We also like to create heroes like Superman and Spiderman.
Occasionally events like natural disasters, terrorist attacks and national holidays occur that spotlight real heroes like firefighters, police officers, EMT’s and military personnel. A closer look can also reveal some of the quiet heroes like teachers and nurses.
My few years on the board of trustees of Christian Homes & Family Services have shown me a whole new group of quiet heroes. These heroes are often referred to as birth parents, adoptive parents, foster parents and employees of Christian Homes & Family Services.
A hero can be defined as one who puts the needs of others above his or her own, a remarkably brave person, somebody admired, or a person with superhuman powers.
What is more selfless than a birth parent’s decision to seek a loving, stable home for his or her baby? What could be more remarkably brave than committing your life to the care of an adopted child? Who could you admire more than someone who is willing to be a foster parent? I know CH&FS employees don’t have superhuman powers but their commitment to birthmothers and children is almost as amazing.
And just like Batman has Alfred, these heroes have wonderful families that love and support them and make their own sacrifices so that our heroes can go about the business of being remarkable, admired and practically superhuman. And finally, just as our heroes have wonderful families, this organization has wonderful donors and volunteers that quietly make a difference in the lives of children through their contribution of time and money.
If you are a birth parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, CH&FS employee or someone who supports the efforts of these individuals you can be assured that you are now on the top of my hero list and the hero list of the children whose lives and souls are touched by your loving sacrifices.
May God bless the heroes of children who truly need heroes.
Picnic Recap
Posted by Taylor Engel on July 07, 2010 at 7:55 am
Oh, what a day Saturday was! The bi-annual Adoption Picnic is what technically gathered us all together but what really drew us in was the promise of seeing old friends, celebrating the sweet gift of adoption, meeting and making new friends, and let’s be honest…12 flavors of homemade ice cream?? I’m just not sure it gets better than that! The rain held off beautifully (and miraculously?) and the children (and a few adults) enjoyed the crazy train rides by engineers Bob and Johnny, a bouncy house, a cool water slide and games and contests and prizes galore. Families traveled from near and far with the farthest hailing from Toledo Ohio!
One particular scene that touched my heart was watching Christian Homes & Family Services newest transitional foster family being reunited with the families of all three babies they loved on over the last year and a half. I asked their son if this would be an emotional day for his mom and he said, “No, I think she is as happy as she could be right now.” We considered ourselves blessed for being able to stand back and watch such a precious reunion.
Another special highlight was catching up with one of the oldest adoptees present at the picnic along with his parents, his wife and two of their three daughters. Thirty-three years ago, this young man was placed in a loving home and one of the things that is so unique about Christian Homes is that Nancy Miller, President Emeritus, was on staff then too.
And can you believe that there was a young lady present who has attended every single adoption picnic since she was adopted 22 years ago? I know that the staff of Christian Homes who have worked here for 20 plus years love that they’ve watched this young woman grow up!
For those of you who were unable to attend the picnic, we certainly missed you and hope you make plans to attend the next one in the summer of 2012. As we parted ways Saturday afternoon I think we all thought, “Why don’t we do this every weekend?” It was truly a sweet day. All the more reason to look forward to Christian Homes & Family Services 50th anniversary and Adoption Picnic in 2012!
Freedom!
Posted by Steve Holt on June 30, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Some may have forgotten what Independence Day is all about. Wikipedia offers this thumbnail:
In the United States, Independence Day, commonly known as the Fourth of July, is a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain.
In 1791 the first recorded use of the name “Independence Day” occurred. In 1820 the first Fourth of July celebration was held in Eastport, Maine which remains the largest in the state. In 1870, the U.S. Congress made Independence Day an unpaid holiday for federal employees. In 1938, Congress changed Independence Day to a paid federal holiday.
Freedom comes in many forms. And who’s to say that one form of independence is more welcomed than another? I’ve never been enslaved by another person or government, so political independence doesn’t feel as much a gift for me as it probably does for Nelson Mandela, for example. But for years I was enslaved by tobacco and alcohol, and emancipation from those addictions still brings great joy and relief.
We are all addicted to something—recreation, sex, drugs, exercise, habits, work, food—and many addictions, no matter the form, are as enslaving as chains and as uncomfortable as a whip. I haven’t run across one drug addict that didn’t hate his “chain.”
We at Christian Homes often deal with couples who are enslaved by infertility. They so hope for the freedom of bearing children, like their friends and family all around them. But for whatever reason, they are not able to conceive. Lynn and I were there during the first years of our marriage and before our first son arrived. Being trapped in a situation beyond our control was as unsettling and painful as any addiction, any enslavement.
Adoption means liberation, freedom from the fetters of infertility. For couples who cannot bear their own children, adoption is as freeing as political release or addiction recovery.
Over the past 48 years, nearly 2,000 families have experienced Independence Day because Christian Homes & Family Services fought for their release.
Our God, from your sacred home you take care of orphans and protect widows. You find families for those who are lonely. You set prisoners free and let them prosper…(Ps. 68:5, 6)
Happy Independence Day!
Adoptive Families Circle
Posted by Taylor Engel on June 24, 2010 at 2:36 pm
We want to consistently pass along ways to connect with other people whose lives have been touched by adoption and today, I stumbled across this website: Adoptive Families Circle. They feature forums on topics ranging from infertility to finding the right agency to bringing baby home and even have different online support groups for couples in any stage of the adoption process. Blogging, contests, photo albums and more can be found on their site and it is all beautifully tied together in adoption. You can sign up to receive monthly newsletters from Adoptive Families and to be able to post photos, comments, blogs, etc. What other adoption-related communities are you connected to? We would love to hear about them!
Staff Spotlight: Margaret Ballew
Posted by Janet Mendenhall on June 07, 2010 at 8:52 am
Want to know more about the staff here at Christian Homes & Family Services? Throughout the next few months we will be spotlighting different staff members to give you insight on the ins and outs of our ministry. Read along and get to know our beloved co-workers and friends…
Family is important to Margaret Ballew, so it is no surprise that for the last 27 years she has been building families one adoption story at a time. Margaret began writing happy endings as the adoption caseworker at Christian Homes & Family Services in December of 1982, after working six years with Child Protective Services in her hometown of Longview, TX. And now as Director of Adoption Services, and hundreds of couples later, she still marvels as the stories unfold.
Her favorite part of the story is always the climax. Placing a child at last in the loving arms and expectant hearts of a hopeful couple is never tiresome. And certainly none so marvelous as the one she remembers most fondly. This couple had suffered 12 miscarriages before beginning their adoption journey, and nothing compared to that moment when they saw and held their baby for the first time.
Bringing couples to that climactic moment is the real heart of Margaret’s day-to-day role as caseworker. Sifting through the mounds of paperwork is overwhelming to couples and caseworker alike. Multiple in-depth interviews can be frightening. The home study, a careful investigation and assessment of your ability to parent, can be a bit intimidating. Then the waiting begins as birth mothers review portfolios and the couples review parenting manuals. And Margaret is there, providing support throughout the journey. Even after the placement, she supervises the couple until the adoption is final, usually about 6 months.
The stories don’t end there even for Margaret, who smiles as she remembers the graduation announcements, wedding invitations, and school pictures she has received through the years. Hearing the rest of the stories from these families is an extra blessing. That Margaret Ballew is a blessing to families is unquestionable. Years later, Cathi Nelson, mother of two adopted children, says, “One of the things I love about Christian Homes, and I tell people this all the time, is that the same people who helped us get our children years ago are still there. How long has Margaret been there, 20-something years? There’s a consistency that you don’t find anywhere else.” Sharon Nolen had this to say about her journey with Margaret, “We don’t know what our adoption memories would have been like without Margaret; but, we know that with Margaret they are wonderful and warm. She was and still is a very nurturing and caring person…The Christian example that she continually displays is one of her most important attributes. She has strengthened us so many times.”
Though each story is different, Margaret is certain of the theme. God is faithful and his timing sure. She has seen it written over and over in couples losing hope as the wait seems endless for them and not for others, couples grieving in the wake of a birth mother’s changed mind, couples doubting their ability to parent a baby born with unexpected challenges. Each time, God provides. She remarked about one such special case, “It was a perfect match and still is!” Margaret knows God is the perfect matchmaker, and she loves being a small part of His stories.
Mothering Sunday
Posted by Janet Mendenhall on May 03, 2010 at 11:51 am
The act of honoring motherhood is as old as time itself. Official celebrations are almost as ancient.
The ever-partying Greeks and Romans celebrated in springtime, with festivals honoring Rhea and Cybele, the mother of their gods.
The early Christians, perhaps not as festively, celebrated in springtime, a day to honor Mary, the mother of God.
The Europeans first officially honored the “Mother Church” on the fourth Sunday of Lent, but it was later broadened to include actual mortal mothers, and became known as Mothering Sunday. Servants and laborers were given the day to return to their homes and visit their mothers — and granted a reprieve from the fasting of Lent to enjoy a family feast. (Can you imagine at last going home to mom’s cooking and having to fast?)
Mothering Sunday was abandoned by the early American settlers, perhaps, historians say, because there simply wasn’t time. It could also have been a reflection of the Puritans’ general distaste for festivities.
The day was resurrected in the heart of Julia Ward Howe, broken by the devastation of the Civil War. Her proposition was a national celebration of peace and motherhood, appealing to the power of each mother’s love to bind together and overcome the futility of their sons’ deaths. She wrote in 1870, “We women of one country will be too tender to those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure them.”
Her dream wasn’t immediately successful, but as time marched on, it resurfaced and was reshaped. Eventually, in 1914, Woodrow Wilson signed Mother’s Day into national observance on the second Sunday of each May.
I like the Europeans’ name, Mothering Sunday. It honors the essence of mothering that exists not only in mothers, but in many women whom the actual title “mother” has eluded: unconditional love, real comfort, wise instruction and peace.
I like Howe’s connection of peace and mothering. Peace is found in the mother’s presence — her lap, under her arm, or at her side. God’s writers often use this imagery to remind us of His love for His people. I like this picture in Isaiah 66, “I will extend peace to her like a river…you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you…”
I like Christian Homes’ connection of peace and mothering: Birth mothers being mothered into peace by their mothers and caseworkers and adoptive mothers; adoptive mothers being mothered into peace by their mothers and caseworkers and birth mothers.
And all of us experiencing the perfect peace of the One Isaiah says nurtures and comforts and loves us — just like our mothers have.
Happy Mothering Sunday. May the peace of God be with you.
The court decree has been signed…
Posted by Janet Mendenhall on April 27, 2010 at 7:09 pm
After the judge signs the final papers and the child is safely and legally in the forever parents’ arms, everyone returns to Christian Homes for a finalization party. The newest official member of the family, now usually 6 to 8 months old, is sometimes smiling and playful, but most often asleep and not even old enough to sample the celebratory pink or blue cookies. He doesn’t realize what has just transpired, even though the scene is full of hope and promise for that wee one.
Now young adults, their impressions of adoption indicate that though they may have slept through the party and missed the cookies, they certainly have not missed the significance of the whole event.
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Reflections on Adoption:
“Through the years I have grown to see the gift of adoption as I have seen how wonderful it really is. I know I have my gracious birthmother out there that gave me the gift of life, instead of taking my life, which was the most wonderful gift of all!” Anonymous
“Most people ask me now days, how does it feel to know you have a completely different set of parents and family? To tell you the truth, no different than anyone else. Yes you know in your head that they are out there, but your own loving family distracts you from it. When I was a child I was treated no different than my other biological family members, in fact I was loved greatly, my family spoiled and loved on me and adored me.” Anonymous
“I am so thankful for Christian Homes and adoption in general. My parents are awesome examples of Christ in my life. If you think about it, adoption is a very Christ-centered idea. He calls us to take care of the orphans and widows and that we are to love our Christian brothers and sisters like our own brothers and sisters. That is what adoption is — taking a child of God into your home to raise as your own. Children are blessings from the Lord and even if the child isn’t necessarily planned, they are still a blessing, whether it be to his or her biological parents, adoptive parents, or other family members.” Jennifer
“This process is a true representation of the axiom: “It takes a village to raise a child.” I’m so grateful for the successes of open adoptions, because the child has the opportunity and legal support of being influenced by a diverse, unique set of individuals and family structures. When adoptive families, birth families, and social systems collaborate in healthy communication, the adoptive child has a chance to grow in significant ways.” Jeremiah
A Word to Birthmothers:
“I think it is a great idea to do adoption. Even if you don’t want to give up your child, you can still do an open adoption, which is how my adoption is. It is wonderful having my birth mother in my life and I am so grateful for her selfless decision to put me up for adoption. I think it is a great way to give your child a normal life while you are still a part of it.” Jaci
“To any woman out there with an unplanned pregnancy considering her options — please choose life. Whether you choose to keep the child or choose to place the child for adoption — choose life. Just look through binder after binder of Christian Homes children and families and see what a difference your child can make in the lives of yourself, his or her potential adoptive parents, and the world. Then think of the thousands of other children adopted through agencies other than Christian Homes, and thousands more children that though they were unplanned, they were welcomed into their mother’s home. There are thousands of people around the world that have had full, wonderful lives because their biological mothers chose life. The baby you are carrying could be the person who cures cancer, a missionary that changes the lives of tens, hundreds, or thousands, or even a great mom or dad that is a wonderful example to all around. I am blessed that my biological mom chose life, and that my brother and sister’s biological mothers chose life. I can’t imagine what my life would be without my precious siblings.” Jennifer
To my birthmother:
“Thank you so much for your decision. I cannot thank you enough for thinking about me before yourself and what I needed. Having you in and your family in my life is such a blessing. It is amazing to be able to be a “big sister” to your kids. I am so grateful for everything you have and will do for me in the future. I love you!” Jaci
“I am forever thankful to my biological mom for wisdom beyond her age when she was pregnant with me. She knew that I needed a mommy and a daddy, and knew that my parents could potentially provide me a life that she probably wouldn’t have been able to provide.” Jennifer
“My birthmother is my hero. I can’t imagine what it’s like to make so many difficult decisions in a brief amount of time. She came to a realization that she could not keep her child, which must have taken an extreme amount of humility and submission. She could have aborted me, but she loved life and had an intense hope for her child. If I met my birthmother, I would thank her for her character and faith.” Jeremiah
Family
Posted by Steve Holt on April 19, 2010 at 9:53 am
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth prisoners with singing… (Ps. 68:4-6)
How many adjectives can you pin on “family”? Here are a few I thought of: Nice, safe, fun, quirky, crazy, demanding, single, imperfect, blessed, dysfunctional, functional, irreplaceable, laid-back, active, forgiving, multi-generational, rich, poor, middle-class…
I am thankful to have grown up in a wonderful, wild and wacky family. It was wonderful in too many ways to mention here. It was wild because all 8 of us had minds of our own, and things sometimes got a little out of hand. And it was wacky! In fact, it was so wacky that when the remaining members of my family get together now, we mostly tell funny stories of the wacky things that happened in our family. Like the year our family visited Colorado and my dad let my 16-year old brother drive the entire family up Pikes Peak on the first weekend the road up was open after the winter. Snow all over the road, and the closer we got to the summit, the worse the visibility. My mother sat in the back seat with her arms wrapped around her two youngest yelling at my brother, “Don’t look! Don’t look!”…meaning I suppose, don’t take your eyes off the road to take in the wondrous sights below. But how wacky is it to tell the driver not to look!
What was your family like growing up? I hope it was mostly positive. And even if your experience was less than positive, God’s original plan for families was a great idea. Marriage and family were the first social institutions, existing long before tribes, clans and nations…long before a “chosen people,” and much longer than the church. In fact, notice how virtually every social enterprise since the first family attempts to pattern itself to some degree after the family concept. God intended families to be safe havens in which family members grow to fullness in every way.
Psalm 68:4-6 testifies to God’s desire for families to be the safe place for all: the fit and the fragile. His household will care for orphans, widows and “the lonely.” In fact, notice that he himself sets the lonely in families. The family is the launching pad for human beings.
Family is God’s idea, and Christian Homes & Family Services puts families together. We place babies and children in loving Christian homes. We connect birth mothers with adoptive parents who will care for her like family long after her delivery. We send adoptive couples imprisoned by years of infertility home singing.
I’m glad to work for a ministry that does the work of God every day.
An Empty Cradle
Posted by Cindy Miller on March 15, 2010 at 8:27 am
An empty cradle? What kind of gift?
It’s one that offers you the opportunity to grow as you dream and work to fill it!
Not that all biological children come about as a result of no dreaming, no heartache, no preparation, and no work…but acknowledging that dreaming, heartache, preparation and work are almost always prerequisites for adoption!
I can remember as a little girl dreaming of being a mother…knowing in my heart that’s what I wanted more than anything…picking out names…holding my dolls as if they were real because I had such a desire…such a tangible feeling…such a need…to be a mother!
And after years of infertility, after years of dreaming yet still unfulfilled as a mother…I remember making the decision to adopt…facing mounds of paperwork and requirements…then finally being told “You’re approved!”…which only then opens the door to the hard part of adopting…the WAITING!
You decide to do something constructive with the waiting time. You start reading and preparing. You watch how others handle their children and you decide to remember or forget that approach to parenting. You paint the nursery and put the crib up and select the nursery’s theme…but the crib is still empty. All of a sudden, it seems everybody at the mall has a baby…everybody at church has a baby…everybody has a baby…everybody…except you, even those who don’t take care of them have babies, those who neglect them have babies, those who wish they didn’t have them have babies…everybody…except you. Then you remember Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Your faith grows. God’s comfort comes to you again full force and you resume the task of preparing for that desire to be fulfilled. Your friend’s baby has colic…you read about colic and remedies and survival techniques for the parents. Because people know you’re approved to adopt, you find out there are people all around you connected to adoption in some way…you hear stories…stories of perfect children, products of adoption, and imperfect children, products of adoption…you wonder which yours will be. You study up on nature versus nurture. You remember Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it,”…and your faith grows, reminding and convincing you that God has provided you the perfect book on parenting, and not only did He leave you instructions, He also promised He will be with you through the “perfect” or the “imperfect” child. Your faith grows.
Because of your empty cradle, you have concentrated not just on preparing physically for your child but preparing spiritually for your child…you have learned to rely more fully on God for your peace and your contentment…you have learned to allow Him to carry your frustration and anxiety, a trait you definitely will need during your child-rearing years…and you have gained more of an understanding of His desire for you as His child as you have yearned for your own…
Then it happens…THE BABY…
And you realize there is not enough waiting time to fully prepare you for the joy of what you had dreamed of and worked toward. But now…your heart, your spirit, and your cradle are full!
Wait
Posted by Janet Mendenhall on March 01, 2010 at 11:41 am
Whether it is for a check-out lane at Wal-Mart or a slow Internet connection, “wait” is a four-letter word. Good things might come to those who wait, but we have invested well in assuring ourselves we won’t have to test that adage.
We don’t wait for food to cook, for film to develop, and certainly not for a word to arrive from a friend or loved one. From instant pudding to instant messaging, we want it now. And consequently, when we must wait, we are not good at it.
We are not in bad company as impatient people. Abraham in his haste to receive God’s promise hurried to a handmaiden. Aaron, in the prolonged absence of the mountaintop-Moses, took matters into his own crafty hands. David whined for God to rush his wrath towards his pursuers. But in God’s time, His people celebrated His faithfulness.
Many of you are waiting. Waiting for a birth mother to choose you, waiting for God to answer your prayers, waiting for your baby.
I remember that waiting. I remember it was neither easy nor fun. I remember I was not very good at it. Through the power of prayer and the positive words of encouraging friends, we not only endured the wait, but also grew. You will, too. There is joy in the journey. You will find it, too.
Twelve years after the wait ended, one of my son’s favorite stories is what happened on the final day of our wait. We had reason to believe a baby had been born but for days had no word from our caseworker. Certain that our wait had been in vain and that something had gone wrong, I held the phone and, sitting on the garage floor out of earshot from the others in my house, listened as a godly friend prayed with me and reassured me as I cried. As I listened and wiped my eyes, Call Waiting alerted me to another call. “You have a son!” the voice happily announced. There was no wiping those tears. “A name?” she asked. “Samuel,” I said. Because God heard.
If God is calling you to wait, then wait. Good things do come. And one day someone will want to hear your waiting stories.
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