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A language of its own
Posted by Steve Holt on July 26, 2010 at 10:11 am
Nearly every institution, discipline, vocation and area of the country has its own “language.” For example, in Tennessee we would say, “I’m getting ready to leave,” but in Texas we say, “I’m fixin’ to leave.” In New England, long deli sandwiches are grinders; everywhere else they’re heroes or subs.
I’ve found that even adoption has a language all its own. And while most other language differences are relatively harmless, failure to appropriately adapt how we talk about adoption can perpetuate myths and create false notions that may hurt another person.
To tell you the truth, I have been guilty most of my life of carelessly misusing adoption language. Slowly, I’m changing. You may be way ahead of me in this, but just in case, here are some suggestions for accurately and appropriately portraying the wonder of adoption.
| Rather than saying… | Say… |
|---|---|
| Real parent, natural parent | Birth parent |
| Own child, real child, natural child | Birth child |
| Adopted child, own child | My child |
| Adoptee | Person who was adopted |
| Illegitimate | Born to unmarried parents |
| Give up | Terminate parental rights |
| Give away, put up, place for adoption | Make an adoption plan, choose adoption |
| To keep | To parent |
| Adoptable child, available child | Child in need of a family |
| Reunion | Making contact with, meeting |
| Adoptive parent | Parent |
| An unwanted child | Child in need of adoption |
| Child taken away | Court termination |
| Handicapped child, hard to place child | Child who has special needs |
| Is adopted | Was adopted |
| Giving your child away | Choosing an adoption plan |
| Putting your child up for adoption | Finding a family to parent your child |
| Keeping your baby | Deciding to parent the child |
| Closed adoption | Confidential adoption |
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you still use some of these less appropriate phrases. We all do. But next time, think about how a child might feel if they heard they were “unwanted.” With just a little forethought and all of us trying harder, we can do our part to establish a language that honors the wonderful world of adoption.
Gotta go; it’s fixin’ to rain…
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